Hey guys!
I hope you all had a great Friday night! Today, I wanted to do a post outside the beauty realm again. This post popped into my head earlier this week, but I was trying to focus on my favourites post and my motivational post for this week, I didn't have the chance to delve further than the title for this post. So, taking advantage of the couple hours I have before my adventure today, I thought I'd take the opportunity to do this post for you guys!
Since it's officially February, which also means Valentine's Day is in a couple weeks, I thought I'd give all you ladies, single or not, some nugget of advice to think about this month.
We all have a checklist, don't lie. Certain traits, whether it's physical or emotional, we look for in a potential relationship. It's through these ideas we believe we will find the key to our happiness and success in a relationship. Well, I'm here to tell you to ditch the list and seek someone outside of your narrow list of requirements. My relationship experience is by no means vast, but having seen and dealt with the aftermath of a few relationships from others, I think I have a pretty solid base for my arguments here.
I've dated (sort of...) two guys in the past, both crazy different, but upon reflection, shared a few similarities. One of them met almost none of my requirements except for maybe one or two, and the other met nearly all of them, except maybe one or two. My point is, the guy who met none of my requirements didn't actually treat me half as badly as I thought and was more than happy to indulge me whenever I wanted; the second guy who met all of my requirements treated me really, really well, but wasn't looking for someone to treat so much as someone to treat him, which I'm okay with every once in a while, but in the early stages of a relationship, I revert to a more traditional standpoint as far as dates go. Both guys did not meet my height requirement, which turned out to be a plus for me because that meant no looming and no awkward neck breaking kisses, eye gazing, etc. And as it turns out the guy who met most of my requirements right down to the car he drove, was my biggest mistake ever. So, whip out your checklists, ladies and gentlemen, there's no judgment here, and let's start debunking why dating your checklist guy is all wrong for you.
Here's my checklist:
Obviously, there's a few more points, but these are basically my main ones. I did an even amount of physical and non physical traits I look/hope for in a guy so you can see what I value most in a partner. Right away we can scrap my height requirement. It's a big deal to me that the guy be taller, not from a traditional the-guy-has-to-be-taller-than-the-girl point of view, but more from a comfort point of view. Like I said, I hate being loomed over and that is unfortunately a trait that follows all tall people whether they mean to do it or not. It gives me an uncomfortable feeling having someone standing/hovering right over me, so maybe taller than me, but not dwarfing me. My next requirement is just one that breaks my heart to throw away because I'm a sucker for clear blue eyes and dark hair, but who isn't? People lucky enough to have that DNA combination are always crazy gorgeous (i.e. Carli Bybel, Josh Kloss, Bunny aka Grav3yardgirl, Jared Leto...etc.). Blue eyes are an optional thing though since both guys I dated both had dark eyes - in addition to blue eyes being insanely beautiful, they are also hard to find on brunettes - and honestly, eye colour doesn't mean all that much in the end as long as what you can see in their eyes is beautiful. So cross that one off your list, girl! This next one has me crying a little at the loss. The first guy I dated was by no means a gym rat and was slowly but surely on a one way train ride to beergutsville, but that being said, he also sparked my newfound palette for beers. See? Little things. He said he used to be a gym rat in high school, football team and all that jazz, but as most people seem to do, slacked on the gym and healthy eating road as soon as he was out of high school, which had been for almost four years. He was sweetish, and indulgent which is always appreciated, but there was just no spark. I never understood the spark thing until I was staring at an embarrassingly sparkless relationship. The last guy I dated was the exact opposite in every way and I think there was some definite wattage being thrown off, but that was probably a culmination of excitement, anticipation, and dying summer air. Point is, muscled and lean or not, a muscled bod is a sign, to me, of dedication, hard work, and drop dead gorgeousness, and so for those reasons, I think it's okay to leave a gym rat requirement up there. If your man puts as much effort into himself, imagine the amount of effort he'll put into a relationship? I speak, not from experience, but pure blind hope here.
On to the non physical attributes, the funny one is kind of a big deal for me, and, I think, for anybody. Nobody wants a humourless love life. You should be able to laugh at/with the person you're with and not worry about offending/hurting them. So funny is definitely another one that should be a permenant residence on your list, but be careful how you judge funny. Funny doesn't have to be comedic funny, and funny doesn't have to be everyone finds him/her hilarious. Funny just has to be what makes you smile and what makes you feel good. For example, I love puns. Puns make other people roll their eyes while I'm rolling on the floor. A guy who is clever enough to spin words around into a pun is instantly attractive to me.
My next checkpoint thing, adventurous. This is key for me because I love going on adventures. I love trying new things and seeing new places and sharing new experiences. It's not often we get the opportunity to do things for the first time, but when the chance arises, seize it. Nothing feels better than doing something for the first time and experiencing it with someone you care about. That being said, adventurous doesn't have to mean leaping outside your comfort zone everyday. Adventurous can be anything you want, but when searching for an adventurous partner, be cautious with the adventuring. There's a leap of trust and then a leap that leads to a plummet. My extremes are pretty inextreme compared to some people's ideas of extreme, so make sure you're on the same page in what you want. For this reason, cross adventurous off that list, girl. You want someone to relate to, to experience things with, but not someone who's idea of adventure is leaping off a cliff or parachuting from an airplane while your idea of adventure is trying out a new restaurant or going for a walk in a park you've never been to. And vice versa, of course. Adventure is great, but if you're an introvert at heart like me, use moderation.
Everyone wants some suave, sophisticated, and smart. If my last relationship taught me anything, it's that the most unlikely people can be delightfully surprising. I dated someone who was far from sophisticated. From the clothes he wore to the music he listened to. He was the exact opposite of the type of guy I saw myself dating aside from the type of car he drove. Despite the way things ended, he really made me reevaluate my sophisticated requirement. I don't want someone sophisticated so much as worldly and exotic. Sorry, sophisticated gents, you're not what I'm searching for. Much love and good luck to you though! There's a kind of element of excitement and unknown when you date someone who is the exact opposite of what you thought you wanted. Whether your checklist says sophisticated or grungy, ditch it and try the guy who doesn't follow your usual type.
And finally, the last trait to swipe off my checklist is my beloved Burnt Marshmallow type of guy. This metaphor is based off the idea that I would like a guy who is all hard and tough on the outside but once you poke him a little, maybe take a bite, he's all softness and gooeyness. I've had this metaphor in mind for my ideal man for a very long time and I've come to the realization that men like that exist only in the realm of romance novels. I'm sorry to say it ladies, but it's true. Modern real men aren't burnt marshmallows. They're marshmallows through and through when it comes to the woman in their life and that's not an entirely bad thing. What you want to avoid is the completely charred types who don't treat you right. My burnt marshamallow type of guy doesn't exist and rather than trying to shove the next sucker I date into that mold, I will take my marshmallow and love him as much as he loves me. And that's all we can really hope for these days.
Fairytales may not exist but that doesn't mean your next or current relationship can't live up to the magic and love that encircles fairytales.
By now, your list should look something like this:
Ditch your checklist, flirt with the guy who doesn't meet all your requirements and be happy with whoever you're with. Maybe the guy you'll end up with isn't who you thought your type was at all, so keep an open mind.
In the words of Daughter, "if you're still breathing you're the lucky one, cause most of us are bitter over someone."
Love life and life will love you back.
Xoxo,
A. Bean
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