On Closure: The Ex Who Shall Never Be Named

Hey guys!

So this is going to be a follow up post from my last Update post here. My goal is to make this post as full of positivity and a lot less "rant-y" than my previous post on the matter. Plus, with Valentine's Day just around the corner, I figured this post is both therapeutic and helpful, since it's that time of year again and, arguably, the worst time of the year (whether you're single or not, let's be honest *shameless plug* read my Valentine's day post from 2014 to see why!)

Okay, moving on to the point of the post. Like most women, I have surrounded myself with friends and alcohol in an effort to console myself in light of recent events. During this important time, I decided that a 30-day no contact period would be the best way to handle the situation. Until I realized I was using my no contact period as a crutch. I was counting down the days until I could let myself talk to him again.

People, particularly those who have been broken up with by their SO, are under the impression that closure is needed before one can move on. But when the possibility of closure is impossible, or non-attainable, I feel like people get wrapped up in the idea that they need answers to move on. This is false.

I probably, at this point, understand very well the burning need for answers and the curiosity that eats away you. Thinking again and again that if you could just meet up one more time, the stars will realign and everything will be fine again. Well, that's false and I am not saying that from experience. I am saying this coming from a place of rationality and understanding. Try to empathize with the person who shattered your heart, try to see what they saw was wrong with your relationship, but you'll never get answers that way.

Dwell and grieve for as long as you need to, but pick up your head after and realize that brighter days are ahead. Even if those brighter days revolve purely around your next glass or six of cheap wine. Because sometimes in life, it's the little things that count and I believe in keeping hope alive no matter what. Whether you're swamped with school, heartbroken, or in a rut, realize that things will get better.

It doesn't get easier. You'll always love them, every little inconsequential thing might remind you of them, and there will be days that you feel like you can't breathe unless you have them back in your life. When that happens, take a deep breath, have a drink or two, and move on. Acceptance is a key part of the grieving process and it's often the part that is the hardest to achieve. But it's possible. Keep your chin up, embrace a new hobby or rediscover an old, surround yourself with people who love you, and let go of the past. Treasure the memories, look back fondly on the good times, but don't try to recreate them. You can't.

There's a quote that floats around the Internet that I see sometimes:

And I don't think nothing could ever be more true. My ex truly was my first love, even if I wasn't his, but to the next man in my life, I hope you do better than your predecessor because he left you a wreck to deal with. As if I wasn't enough of a wreck as it is! (That was my sad attempt at humour *hint hint* *nudge nudge*)

I've also come to a very enlightening conclusion which was this: It is not my responsibility to be the first one to reach out to him. Having been the person to break up with someone else on many occasions, I have always known that being the one to do the breaking up holds a certain amount of power. And with great power comes great responsibility. So, if your ex broke up with you and wanted to get back in touch, as the person responsible for the break up, it is on them to try to reach out first. They left a gem behind and when they realize your worth, you'll have already moved on.

Bottom line? Be kind. 

If they reach out and you're confident in your own feelings, reach back (in a friendly manner) and if you're not ready for that step, tell them that you're not ready to get back in touch, and when/if you ever are, you'll reach again and this time, the ball is in your court.I believe that if you emit positive energy, karma will be there for you. So simply be kind to one another. (Unless your ex is a crazy criminal, in which kindly but urgently call the cops, a lawyer, and get a restraining order).

I am making this promise to myself today: This is the last post I will make about my most recent fail of a relationship.

And in spirit of that promise, I will be posting a makeup review type thing next week! I'm going to try and make Wednesdays my blogging days.

I hope this post helped you and that my advice made some sense? If you guys have any suggestions or ways you get over a semi-serious/serious relationship, please leave it in the comments below or tweet me @aly_bean

Thank you so much for reading!

Love and Light,
A. Bean

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