October 19th, 2016 - Inspiration, Motivation, and Persperation

Hey guys!

As part of my Bean v. 5.0 improvement plan, thing, whatever, the gym is becoming an integral part of my daily routine. I daresay that what once used to be an intimidating place has now become a place of refuge. It's not often I get to just have time to myself, to worry about myself, and to blast my music (which now consists of an absurd amount of country songs that are motivating, heartbreaking, and twinge-worthy*). In the gym, I don't have to worry about anything beyond what I'm doing in that moment. If I'm running, by god I will run; if I'm lifting, by god will I give it my all.

Honestly, this was a long time coming. I feel like nothing teaches you perseverance (for the average folk like myself) better than the gym. I might not have had much adversity in my life, and because of that I feel like I easily just give in and give up too easily. At the gym, that's not allowed. If that treadmill says run for 30 minutes or 60 minutes, girl, knees to chest! I love it.

Now that my time and thoughts are less consumed (key word: LESS) by Alan, I have a lot more motivation to do what I want. Before, even though he was gone a lot, I didn't particularly want to linger around campus, let alone go to the gym. Why? Because why would I want to hang around a crowded school campus where my anxiety is always there in the back of my mind like some kind of brain static? Especially when I knew that I could go back to his place - a place that had become my own little safe haven, away from parents, family, and peers - and just hide. Like I mentioned before, if I didn't have to go anywhere, for the rest of the day, I would just go back to what I considered my second home. And that was wrenched from me before I could say "Harry Potter".

As a result, I need to find other ways to keep me away from my parents' house because I don't have a home. That quote where they're like, "Home is where the heart is" like no, girl. Home is where you can be wholly yourself. Where your mind isn't going 100km/h and where every little thing doesn't make you jump; where you can vegetate in peace and where you can double chin all you want and walk around with no pants or even no clothes on at all. Home is where you are comfortable, and right now, I'm most comfortable in my car. So I guess that's my home.

Being jobless right now sucks. I might have to tuck my tail between my legs and go back to a job I'd walked out on two years ago now because even though the drama sucked, the pay was good and so were the hours (albeit long, at least I had hours). And I was good at what I did while I was there. And I burned that bridge for Alan. Because it was that weekend when we went on the Best-Worst camping trip of my life and I will never regret that. I do regret just not showing up for my last two shifts, but I feel like I got along with everyone still there well enough that if I prove to them I am a hard worker and that I will never put a man before my job, it should work out? But this is a last resort plan. For now, today is dedicated to handing out resumes in person and going from there.

I'll continue on with these daily diary type of posts, mostly for my benefit, I think they're really good for my own personal growth and healing, and I'd like to look back on this time in my life one day and smile because it will be moments like this that I'll be able to say that I didn't get burned by the fire, but became the flame.



Love and Light,

A. Bean




*twinge-worthy: similar to cringe worthy but less cringe more twinge. Like a slight pang in your heart or a poke at your ribs.

PS - Joe Brock on Instagram is wonderful, and unfortunately his posts are quite lengthy and wouldn't mesh well with the little quotes I like to spread out on this blog, but if you have a moment, please check him out! His words are everything my heart feels and more.
PPS - In addition to quotes, I'll also be doing songs because those help my heart a lot too. Right now, they are mostly country because a) Alan loved Chris Stapleton; b) I actually find him to be one of the best country artists personally - even though Alan was the one to introduce me to him and his awesomeness; c) honestly safe to assume that 99% of the country music featured on this blog is thanks to Alan.

October 18th, 2016 - The Ring...Among Other Things

Hey guys!

I'm sitting here in class while I write this - very productive, I know. I've got a peppermint tea - it's supposed to be calming - and a double chocolate chip muffin - from the useless groceries I'd bought last Thursday. This morning sucked. All of my most worn/liked clothes are still bundled up in my blanket on my car. I walked out the house at 6:45 AM in nothing but *Alan's flannel shirt and my sneakers. I had to put my pants on in my freezing car - my leggings being even more frozen than the snow on the lawn - and my winter footwear now resides in a box in the shed. Because I was supposed to be staying with Alan. Last night was the first night I've spent at home in two months. Maybe more. Two and a half? Christ.

Some days will better than others. It's weird to be talking with him again so soon. And this time it's me reaching out rather than vice versa. We talked about our relationship and our many faults (he has baggage; I put others before myself). We talked about work and school and life and movies....I think it's fucked up, but I think he likes us, and wants me, more when we aren't "dating" per se. I don't know what's happening, or how this affects him, but me? I know I'm so messed up for even considering another sexcapade with him.

I wear his ring around my neck like some kind of sick trophy.

I don't know what I intend to do with it in the future - it fits none of my fingers. But it's meaning...what it symbolizes is why I took it. It's like a physical relationship status ring. Wear one way, it means single; wear it another, it means in a relationship; wear it a different way, it means engaged; and another way it means married. And when we were together - while he'd stopped wearing for a few months - every time he wore it, he wore it in the "single" position.
I knew what it meant. That he knew that I knew what it represented. After all, it was he that had explained it's meanings. Meanings which have stuck with me every time I looked at that damn ring. To add insult to injury, he'd wear the ring along with the watch I'd bought him for Christmas. A watch that I took, but will give back. I took the watch, ring, and scotch out of pettiness, but while all of those things are useless to me, I'm keeping the ring. The watch and scotch I'll return. I can't bring myself to sell the watch to anyone else. It doesn't belong with anyone else. Whatever he chooses to do with it after is up to him - he did keep it after the first breakup, although he also acquired the ring at the same time.

We spoke the other night - he's back on my social media, and while all I want to do is tag him in cute puppy videos, I remain unsure of where this "friendship" draws the line. I've never been friends with an ex. Certainly not one I'm in love with because I've never loved anyone like I love him. Not that I have a vast amount of relationship experience, but it wouldn't be my first "first time" doing something with him.
At any rate, we are planning on hanging this weekend. Follow me on Twitter to keep up to date on when I will have my post up regarding the weekend shenanigans that will undoubtedly ensue.
Follow @aly_bean

Love and light,

A. Bean

Song of the day:

*Name was changed

October 17th - The New Me.

Hey guys!

Lucky for this blog, every time my life goes into crisis mode this thing gets a whole flood of content! (Barring the last crisis earlier this year since I was being flooded by liquor and poor judgment).

This post is going to be significantly shorter than the last, and it's going to consist of things that I will be doing to take of myself.

1. SPEND ONE WHOLE YEAR SOBER - I don't mean this in an "I'm an alcoholic" type of way, although that is arguable. I mean this in a "I will not get shittered because of a broken heart" type of way. It really does nothing except make things worse on my heart and body. And I don't know if my liver can physically handle another three month bender. Am I never gonna touch a drink for a whole year? I mean, that's the goal, but I won't deny myself a bottle of wine to unwind and de-stress.
2. GET AWAY - Like I mentioned in my last post, I am going to be booking myself a birthday getaway in the mountains where I can disconnect and recharge - if I could do it sooner I would, but alas, my birthday seems the best time for me to disappear as I hate celebrating it and I would rather not remember that I will be turning 22.
3. EMBRACE THE SINGLE LIFE - Having rewatched a bunch of my old videos, I can confidently say that I have not truly been single in 3 years. I have loved someone else for 3 years and have neglected myself. Like I said, I am insecure and I'm hoping in embracing singledom I can find my confidence again.
4. LOVE MYSELF - I'm being dragged to the gym and I couldn't be more relieved. I need to keep myself busy and if I can get my body back (dating Alan for the last year and a half was not good for my waistline) all the better.

If you have any other suggestions on how to take care of yourself and tips on how to be single please tweet me @aly_bean  or leave it in the comments! I will also be updating my YouTube channel more, so keep an eye out for that! (YT: Alycia Benson)

Love and Light,

A. Bean

On Closure: The Ex Who Shall Never Be Named

Hey guys!

So this is going to be a follow up post from my last Update post here. My goal is to make this post as full of positivity and a lot less "rant-y" than my previous post on the matter. Plus, with Valentine's Day just around the corner, I figured this post is both therapeutic and helpful, since it's that time of year again and, arguably, the worst time of the year (whether you're single or not, let's be honest *shameless plug* read my Valentine's day post from 2014 to see why!)

Okay, moving on to the point of the post. Like most women, I have surrounded myself with friends and alcohol in an effort to console myself in light of recent events. During this important time, I decided that a 30-day no contact period would be the best way to handle the situation. Until I realized I was using my no contact period as a crutch. I was counting down the days until I could let myself talk to him again.

People, particularly those who have been broken up with by their SO, are under the impression that closure is needed before one can move on. But when the possibility of closure is impossible, or non-attainable, I feel like people get wrapped up in the idea that they need answers to move on. This is false.

I probably, at this point, understand very well the burning need for answers and the curiosity that eats away you. Thinking again and again that if you could just meet up one more time, the stars will realign and everything will be fine again. Well, that's false and I am not saying that from experience. I am saying this coming from a place of rationality and understanding. Try to empathize with the person who shattered your heart, try to see what they saw was wrong with your relationship, but you'll never get answers that way.

Dwell and grieve for as long as you need to, but pick up your head after and realize that brighter days are ahead. Even if those brighter days revolve purely around your next glass or six of cheap wine. Because sometimes in life, it's the little things that count and I believe in keeping hope alive no matter what. Whether you're swamped with school, heartbroken, or in a rut, realize that things will get better.

It doesn't get easier. You'll always love them, every little inconsequential thing might remind you of them, and there will be days that you feel like you can't breathe unless you have them back in your life. When that happens, take a deep breath, have a drink or two, and move on. Acceptance is a key part of the grieving process and it's often the part that is the hardest to achieve. But it's possible. Keep your chin up, embrace a new hobby or rediscover an old, surround yourself with people who love you, and let go of the past. Treasure the memories, look back fondly on the good times, but don't try to recreate them. You can't.

There's a quote that floats around the Internet that I see sometimes:

And I don't think nothing could ever be more true. My ex truly was my first love, even if I wasn't his, but to the next man in my life, I hope you do better than your predecessor because he left you a wreck to deal with. As if I wasn't enough of a wreck as it is! (That was my sad attempt at humour *hint hint* *nudge nudge*)

I've also come to a very enlightening conclusion which was this: It is not my responsibility to be the first one to reach out to him. Having been the person to break up with someone else on many occasions, I have always known that being the one to do the breaking up holds a certain amount of power. And with great power comes great responsibility. So, if your ex broke up with you and wanted to get back in touch, as the person responsible for the break up, it is on them to try to reach out first. They left a gem behind and when they realize your worth, you'll have already moved on.

Bottom line? Be kind. 

If they reach out and you're confident in your own feelings, reach back (in a friendly manner) and if you're not ready for that step, tell them that you're not ready to get back in touch, and when/if you ever are, you'll reach again and this time, the ball is in your court.I believe that if you emit positive energy, karma will be there for you. So simply be kind to one another. (Unless your ex is a crazy criminal, in which kindly but urgently call the cops, a lawyer, and get a restraining order).

I am making this promise to myself today: This is the last post I will make about my most recent fail of a relationship.

And in spirit of that promise, I will be posting a makeup review type thing next week! I'm going to try and make Wednesdays my blogging days.

I hope this post helped you and that my advice made some sense? If you guys have any suggestions or ways you get over a semi-serious/serious relationship, please leave it in the comments below or tweet me @aly_bean

Thank you so much for reading!

Love and Light,
A. Bean

Shameless Self Promotion!
IG: @aly.bean
Snapchat: alybean5

"Wow, You're So Exotic"

Hey guys!

So, I realize it's a bit ironic for me to do a rant-type post after just going on about self-improvement, but, like I said in my last post, old habits tend to die hard, and I am a very stubborn individual. Also old, so you know, old dogs and new tricks don't go together. But, I have justified this post in convincing myself it is for the greater good. Also, it just really, desperately needs to be addressed. I was going to do a video on this topic simply because my mouth moves faster than my fingers, as do my thoughts, but my background is kind of shady, and the whole video would be an hour long rant. This has the semblance of more structure, I think.

For those who don't know, I am biracial. My mom is Vietnamese, and my dad is Canadian (read: a whole mishmash of cultures where there is some percentage of Scandinavian and some percentage of Aboriginal and some percentage of Ukrainian. I think.) I only offer this information because it is pertinent to the discussion and gives me some amount of authority on the topic. Otherwise, my race shouldn't - and doesn't - really matter.

Since reaching adulthood and branching off into a world outside of my parents' circle of influence, I have been confronted more now than ever about my race. From questions like "What are you?" and "Where are you from?" they get more and more intrusive depending on the person asking them.
These are all usually asked before my name is even known or is usually the next question after "What's your name?" To go up to a person who looks, and I'm purposely being generic here, white, and ask them where they are from is laughable and ridiculous. Well, the same thing when I'm asked where I'm from. I am from Canada, I was born here. I have never permanently moved anywhere else - I had a two year stint in Ontario, if you recall from my earlier posts. I am a human being, that is what I am. More specifically, then, if that doesn't satisfy the question, I am a biologically female human being. Not a martian, surprise! I am exactly what you are, so when I am asked, "What are you" you can only imagine my shock, amusement, and annoyance. The other person's reaction is even more laughable when I answer that I am human and that I am Canadian.

People say"what are you" or "where are you from" as a means to be more politically correct, but what they don't realize is that to even ask the question damns them. I won't fault their curiosity, but at the same time, why does it matter what my race is? I am fully aware that I maybe don't look like a "typical" white girl (again I am being very general and loose with that term). I am also very self conscious of that fact and when it is pointed out to me, I feel even more awkward. Which I shouldn't. I am very proud of who I am and where my parents are from and I love my culture. Both of them.

Being mixed race is hard enough as it is - you feel like you don't belong anywhere - without having people interrogate you about it.

That lengthy backstory brings me to what I really wanted to discuss which is the use of the word "exotic" when referring to someone "not from here". For the purpose of this post, we will use "not from here" to refer to people who are not physically different (either in skin tone, hair texture, eye shape, etc.).
The other night while I was at work, near the end of my shift, a single middle aged gentleman(ish) walked in - he's clearly "from here" - and as I approached him, he asked about my hair texture (naturally curly) to which he seemed to enjoy - apparently he has a "thing" for curly haired gals (ew...) - and then asked about my race - again using the standard "where are you from" line - to which I replied as nicely as possible - because despite hating my job I still need my job - that my mother is from Vietnam and my dad is from here with some sort of Scandinavian background - hence my accursed curls. He widened his eyes in delight, ooohed and ahhhed over my race and proclaimed me "exotic".

PS - Dude, if you're reading this by some gross chance and sick twist of fate, I might work in a restaurant, but I still have a small miniscule shred of dignity left that I guard like a starving, rabid dog over a masticated bone. In other words, I don't want/need a sugar daddy. Yet. And when/if I do need one, I certainly won't be asking you to step up.

Upon being called exotic, I nearly threw up in my mouth. But, because I am great at my job, forced a tight lipped smile and proceeded to avoid eye contact and approaching his vicinity for the duration of my shift. I am not "exotic". I am not some imported rarity. I am a person, not a thing, and I think that is my biggest issue when I am faced with this question of race. I feel like a thing. An exotic thing that is there only to be admired and ooohed and ahhed over.
The problem with this is that I am reduced to being a thoughtless inanimate object. Which sort of sets back decades of feminist movements and advances. Hey, Emma Watson, speak up for the "exotic" people, too, okay?

When someone is reduced to being just "exotic" my ideas, dreams, pursuits, goals, and thoughts are irrelevant. Because I am exotic. I am like a Siberian Tiger placed in a zoo. Just there to be looked at and cared for and never free. I deserve to be more than caged. I deserve to be more than "exotic". Or a car. Cars are also described as exotic. I am, sadly, not a transformer.

This is a problem not just with strangers, but also in my sad pursuit of love. Boys only want me because I am exotic, men only want to creep on me, and I am left stranded in the middle, wanting neither. I deserve respect.

Not really, but you get the idea....

And that is something I thought was my right as a human being. But I guess in the eyes of mainstream "from here" society, all I will ever be is "exotic".

Love and Light,

A. Bean

PS - Leave your thoughts, comments, and experiences below! Am I alone in feeling this way? Have you ever been called exotic or has your race ever been questioned?

A Poor Start: First Post of 2016

Hey, guys!

        If you couldn't guess by the title of this post, it won't be as lighthearted and cheerful as my other ones. Following the New Year, my boyfriend and I parted ways. Having read my last "Life Update" post, I feel foolish now, but I won't delete it. Those memories will be memories that I will hold dear to my heart for a long time despite parting on less than amicable ways with my ex. I won't go into details, just know that it didn't end as well as I thought it would if we ever were to breakup. Also I always thought we would breakup face-to-face, but thankfully, Facebook is available to the cowards of the world (#stillnotbitteroranything).

Preach, girl, preach!

        Life, however, does have a funny way of introducing other things to occupy your mind. The passing of David Bowie and Alan Rickman in addition to some school drama all served one purpose: distraction. Not to say that I didn't grieve the loss of my supposedly perfectly imperfect relationship. I definitely did. For four days I wailed - not even cried, wailed - my heart out, my parents can attest to this, I'm pretty sure I scared them a little. And in the days following my initial grief, I'm still overcome by sadness, but I'm moving along.

Well, Carrie, it gets sucked up into a black hole called grief, and then
if you're lucky, it fades from an all consuming fire into a
small little ember. In other words, it never goes away completely.

I've gotten really into the whole "self-improvement" kick. It's a slow process, but at least I'm not as depressed. This week I've really made an effort to wear makeup again. I didn't wear a speck of it for a week, and I caught my reflection in the mirror while on a pity shopping spree with my friend at
Sephora. I'm glad I caught that reflection of myself - though I wasn't at the time. With my messy bun, bare face, and decidedly perma-sad expression, it really kicked me back into gear. I cry less and less everyday, and I've reconnected with my friends, whom I shamefully neglected during my relationship.
       It really taught me that no matter how perfect something or someone may seem, no amount of love or attention you give them will ever be enough if they don't love themselves.       Or if they loved themselves too much.

Amen, Elle.

       So to that conclusion, then, I've decided to take a step back, reevaluate, finish school, and focus on bettering myself. Admittedly, I did jump into my last relationship fast, and didn't really make myself or him wait or work for anything. Mainly because I was on an "I'm an empowered, modern 21st century woman, dammit, I can sleep with whoever" power trip. Which ended up being my biggest failure in the relationship and doesn't really set the right tone for the rest of our time together. Give me a tall, dark haired, tattooed, broad shouldered guy, and I'm pretty much weak at the knees and reduced to a giggling school girl.
      So, maybe 2016 didn't really start out the way I wanted it to, and maybe I no longer have a date to go see Deadpool, or Batman vs. Superman, or Aquaman, or anyone, really, to occupy my time with and spend the cold winter nights with, but I have me, and for the last 21 years, that has always been enough.

I am enough.

Love and Light,

A. Bean

PS - You're all enough.
PPS - Shoutout to my friends and family who dealt with my broken hearted sad self for the past two weeks and counting. You're the real MVP.

SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION!
Instagram!
Snapchat! @alybean5

The First Day of School 2015

Hey guys!

I'd like to say that the first day of school is as magical and wondrous as it is on your first day of grade one.

When you walk through those doors filled with as much excitement and adventure as Nemo on his first day of school.

source: http://www.chasingmyextraordinary.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/First-Day-of-School-Gif.gif

Unfortunately it's not. It's more like two hoards all converging on the same battlefield.

Exhibit A: Third/Fourth Year Students

source: giphy.com

Exhibit B: First/Second Year Students

Source: giphy.com

Obviously the latter doesn't last for long as the semester/year progresses so by the time winter finals roll around and the year is over, every student looks like a hoard of stumbling zombies. #universitycommunity

My morning routine on the first day consisted of waking up at 4 AM to drive my boyfriend to work (it was as hellish as it sounds, luckily today is my last day of that nonsense), then driving back home (it was just after 6 AM by the time I got home) to sleep until about 7:30 AM before I was woken by my mom because I'd told her the wrong time for school that day. I thought class was at 9:30, not 11 - due to lack of sleep my days were a little messed up... no matter, I couldn't bring myself to fall asleep for a second time so I spent the morning scrolling through the social medias until I had to get ready.

The first class passed by seamlessly, I even (out of necessity) made a friend because of a group project we are forced to do, but no matter, a friend was made and that's all that counts! We even went to lunch together. I braved the LRT for the first time ever - and hated every second of it - avoided the evil parking cops and made it through the rest of my day without a hitch.

After that, I went to hang out with the boyfriend (we need to have another serious talk and I'm dreading every minute of bringing up the subject but more on that on a later date), spent the night with him since I had to drive him to work the next morning and did not want to wake up at 4 AM for the third time in a row. Staying the night allowed me to have a good night's sleep and have an extra hour of it! Yay! 

Primer: Pür Minerals Hydrating Primer (not my favourite but I'm out of my benefit Porefessional and too broke to buy another)

Foundation: Bourjois Healthy Mix (53) with L'Oreal TruMatch Lumi (N3)

Bronzer: Tarte Amazonian Clay Bronzer (Park Ave Princess)

Blush: Benefit Rockateur

Highlight: MAC Soft and Gentle

Brows: Urban Decay Naked Basics (Crave and Faint)

Mascara: Too Faced Better than Sex Mascara

Eyelids: Maybelline 24HR Color Tattoo (Barely Branded) - this went all over the lid; LORAC Pro Palette (Taupe) - this went in the crease and lower lashline

Eyeliner: Rimmel Scandaleyes Waterproof Eyeliner (black) - Tightline and Waterline

Note: I neglected to do any winged liner like I usually do with my makeup in favour of a "fresh faced" look. It came out alright, but I find I feel very naked and self-conscious without my wings to hide behind. 

Top: Basic White T-shirt (H&M), Red Plaid shirt - left unbuttoned because you're cool (Kohl's)

Bottoms: Basic Black Leggings (H&M)

Jacket: Black leather jacket with gold detailing (Suzy Shier)

Shoes: Brown riding boots (No idea I got them last year while in the States)

Note: Literally every other girl was wearing the EXACT SAME THING just with a different colour plaid.

Makeup Bag Must Haves: Drugstore Edition

Hey guys!

Whether makeup is a completely foreign concept to you or you consider yourself pretty proficient, there's just somethings a girl needs to have in her makeup bag. Today's post is dedicated to anyone just starting out with makeup or are unsure of which products are absolute necessities to make up a flawless face. This edition is purely drugstore products because let's be honest not all of us can afford to drop $40+ on a foundation at Sephora or buy a $20 lipstick at MAC.

First of all, if you're looking into dabbling in makeup for the first time (no, playing in your mom's makeup doesn't count) then chances are, you're looking to fix one of the many skin problems that arise in preadolescence and that is acne, pimples, blemishes, discolouration, etc.
To fix these problems, I can tell you right now, avoid caking on the foundation. No amount of cake face is going to hide the blemishes, so put down the Covergirl bottle and sit down. The only way you're going to get rid of the pimples is to wash and moisturize that face. Since this won't help clear it up right away, I advise gravitating towards a BB Cream or tinted moisturizer to cure any redness on the face.

My recommendation: Dream Fresh BB Cream by Maybelline ($8 at Shoppers Drug Mart). If you're oily, or not a fan of Maybelline, the Covergirl Smoothers tinted moisturizer/BB Cream is a great alternative, so I've heard. If anyone's tried it, let me know your thoughts in the comments.
If you do want something more full coverage, the L'Oreal TruMatch foundations are awesome - only thing is. there's no pump, so you kind of have to work to get it out of the bottle.For concealer, if you feel you need it, the L'Oreal Lumi or Maybelline Dark circle eraser are great for dark circles or covering up any blemishes.

Next, I'm not sure how many tweens/teens start getting them brows done, but even if it's just cleaning up near that brow bone, don't forget the brows! They are everything when it comes to making a face. Since most people's brows tend to be lighter than their natural hair colour, I recommend purchasing a brow pencil a shade or two darker than your natural hair colour. I've got a brow pencil by Covergirl that seems to do the trick, and I think it's only $5-$6 at the drugstore. I've also recent;y picked up the Maybelline Define-a-Brow and it's a pretty good pencil, smooth, easy to put on, but kind of hard to crank out the tip because it's a retractable pencil as opposed to a regular pencil. What's your favourite drugstore brow pencil?
Beauty Tip: Make sure you buy two. Brows are lighter at the tip and darker at the tail, so to avoid looking like you drew those bad boys on with a sharpie, lightly fill in the tip with the lighter shade and then switch to the darker shade once you reach the arch. If it helps to define your brow shape, take the darker pencil and with feathery upwards strokes, line the lower portion of your brow from tip to tail.

Moving below the brow, once those have been cleanly filled in, we can focus on the eyes. Obviously, if you're going to school you're not going to go Glamazon and do a full on neutral smokey eye because most of us choose sleep over spending an extra 20 mins in the bathroom mirror perfecting our eye shadow. I have three products that I think are must haves, but, as with anything else, you can choose which ones you think are relevant to you.

The first product I want to mention is a cream eye shadow and it's been featured on my blog a few times already. It's the Maybelline 24hr Color Tattoo in Bad to the Bronze. I'm going on using this product for two years and no matter what eye shadow or palette I use, I always find myself falling in love with this bronze shade. It's quick and easy to apply (as long as you don't have long nails, then it gets a bit tricky). Literally only takes me two seconds to swipe and blend the product all over my eye lid for it to create an effortless "look I did try today" look.

To go along with that, every girl needs a good mascara and while the Maybelline ones are raved about, I stand by the L'Oreal Voluminous Million Lashes Excess Mascara. Some people like the original Million Lashes in Carbon Black, but because I have yet to try that one, the Excess mascara is everything I want in a mascara. It lengthens and thickens and looks lovely without any eye liner necessary (I've gone out a few times with only this masacra, no liner, and it looks like I've got some falsies on. PS- I rarely go out without eyeliner, so this mascara is kind of a big deal.)
Lastly for eyes, and I'm mentioning this last because like I said above, after a few coats (or five - I don't mind the slight clump that goes along with this many coats) I don't feel the need for eyeliner, but the Maybelline Masterprecise is a great liquid liner option. It's a fine felt tip liner that makes winged eyes very easy. That being said, I love the Stila Stay All Day liner because it's waterproof, and I have yet to find a truly waterproof drugstore eye liner. So if you can, I recommend Stila, but I'd say the Maybelline Masterprecise is a pretty good dupe for it.

Since this is a makeup bag must haves, a girl's gotta have that blush. I feel like in every category I'm mentioning Maybelline, but honestly, the products I've tried from them are both affordable and really look beautiful. That being said, the Master Hi-Light powders are awesome. I love the lightest(?) shade which is a bronze-y rose colour. This I use to either contour lightly with or use on the highest points of my cheeks and then use either a rose gold toned blush or a rose blush to blend towards the apples (but never actually on the apples because we don't want to drag our faces down). If you're looking for Milani's iconic, raved about baked blushes but are having a hard time finding it at your local drugstore, look for it Loblaws or Superstore. I took a trip down their makeup aisle a few weeks ago and stumbled upon a section for Milani Cosmetics and got more than a little excited. Rose D'Oro is my favourite shade!

Lastly, lippies! Whether you're a lipstick, gloss, or balm girl, I've got a recommendation for your makeup bag and it all starts with a good lipstick!
I think everyday lipstick colours are okay to splurge on because duh, you'll be wearing them all day, all the time. I think three basic colours are a must have in every girl's makeup bag. First, you need a nude colour. I love MAC Myth, but if you don't want to splurge on a MAC lipstick the Maybelline Buffs lipstick collection are amazing! Blushing Beige is my favourite shade from that line.
Next, every girl needs a rocking red. The Hourglass Cosmetics Liquid Lipstick in Icon lives up to it's name. It's an iconic red in my opinion and flatters everyone. It's a deep blue toned red as opposed to more orangey reds that are a little harder to pull off.
Finally, every girl needs an everyday pink shade. I recently picked up the new, limited edition Bite Beauty Deconstructed Rose lipstick line in Damask. It's a beautiful "your lips but better" shade. Bite lipsticks are all made from natural ingredients and the lipstick shade itself is akin to a MAC Creme Sheen lipstick, but can easily be layered if you want more colour pay off. L'Oreal Paris has a wonderful line of pinks to choose from and the formula is pretty amazing too.

If lipsticks aren't your thing, a lip balm is a must, and while the EOS lip balms are adorable, they are a little inconvenient to store, but easy to find in your purse. Don't forget to include your favourite lip balm in your makeup bag.

I hope this was semi-helpful for any makeup noobs out there. If not, feel free to let me know what your makeup bag must haves are whether they're drugstore or high end.

XOXO,

A. Bean

Why I Have Trust Issues

Hey guys!

So in case the title or the gif didn't tell you what today's issue of the Chronicler will be about, let me tell you. I have trust issues. Some pretty major ones which stem from a myriad of experiences, and some that are so deeply ingrained my psyche, I don't even want to begin to throw a stone in that bottomless well. Below is a series of things that I believe are the cause of my trust issues, and unfortunately, I have yet to find a solution to these issues. 

1. Raisin in cookies

They look like chocolate chips but they're not. Like why? Why you do this to me? 

2. MUFFIN BROCCOLI

I don't know if you guys have seen it, but there is a photo of a broccoli baked into a muffin/cupcake thing. WHAT. Why? Why do you promote my trust issues?

3. Wifi

Ever have that moment where you're like, "Yes! Free wifi!" And then you connect and it doesn't frigging work?! Trust issues! I want the free wifi to work! Whyyyyyyy?

4. Pokeballs

So, little known fact, but perhaps it's pretty obvious once you get to know me, I don't know, but I'm kind of a nerd. Now, I'm not hardcore. I don't count down the days until the latest Pokemon game (although I did do that for Mario and Zelda...) and I certainly haven't played every single version of it for every single console available. But. I do play Pokemon for my GameCube, and when I go to catch a motherballin' Pokemon, I expect it to stay in it's frigging ball! It's the most nerve wracking thing watching that ball wiggle. When it works, you breathe a sigh of relief, and when it shakes and you think it's going to stay and then all of a sudden in a burst of white light it shoots out of the Pokeball like it's nobody's business. That is why I have trust issues. You get so excited and then boom. Let down.

5. Makeup

Obviously, I love makeup just as much as the next beauty girl, but honestly, have you guys seen before and after photos for face routines alone? A little brown powder on the hollows of your cheeks, your temples, jawline, and sides of your nose and it's like you've lost ten pounds off your face alone! Add some highlighter to it, and you might as well look like a totally different person. Makeup. It's crazy and that's why I love it. But it does give a body some major trust issues.

6. Overly Friendly/Nice People

Does this not cause anyone else to be suspicious? I feel like when people are just a touch too bright or a tad too smiley, bitch, you know something is wrong. They're just a tad too all over you, or just a smidgen too exuberant. Whether I encounter these people in commission stores, restaurants, or just in daily, I always feel a tad weary when I talk to them.

7. Supernatural

Is it just me or is it that every new character introduced to the show has died? **SPOILER** Even Castiel has! I mean, come on! Stop killing all the chicks in that show, and stop killing everyone other than Sam, Dean, Bobby (who has died at one point as well), and Castiel. I can't get emotionally attached to characters I feel have true potential for the show only to have them die. Same could be said for Game of Thrones, so I'm told.

8. Prince Hans

He was so nice! And he sang! With Ana! And he's a bad guy? What! 

Though, kudos to Disney for sneaking in a life lesson in there. Never trust the guy who seems completely perfect for you. Chances are he just wants your kingdom. That bastard.

9. Plot Twists

Every. Time. They always get me and I'm left standing/sitting there like an idiot! Who thinks of these things?!

10. Victoria's Secret

I want to know the secret, I want to know who this Victoria chick is, and I want to know how it's possible to fake not one but TWO cup sizes! Guys, I am so sorry. That must drive you crazy. The only way I could understand it is kind of like opening a bag of chips and seeing half of it is air, not chip. 

11. Wake Up Calls (Shouts)

When I was living at home, my dad would burst into my room a half hour or fifteen minutes before I actually had to wake up. Not fun. That half hour is prime sleep time.

12. People

And that one goes without saying.

Look at that, two posts in one day! I hope you guys liked it! Don't forget to check out my last post! Let me know in the comments below what causes you to have some trust issues, I'd love to know! Because, you know, I'm kind of nosey like that.

XOXO,

A. Bean

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