Fashion, beauty, advice, tips, and rants, I hope to do my best at giving you guys the best information I can. Any products I review are my own opinions and purchased with my own money, I'm not popular enough to get free stuff I guess.
I'm a 19 year old second year student majoring in Communications Studies at Carleton University. I love writing and beauty, so this blog is going to be a culmination of all the things I am most passionate about. Thank you so much for checking out my blog!
Lucky for this blog, every time my life goes into crisis mode this thing gets a whole flood of content! (Barring the last crisis earlier this year since I was being flooded by liquor and poor judgment).
This post is going to be significantly shorter than the last, and it's going to consist of things that I will be doing to take of myself.
SPEND ONE WHOLE YEAR SOBER - I don't mean this in an "I'm an alcoholic" type of way, although that is arguable. I mean this in a "I will not get shittered because of a broken heart" type of way. It really does nothing except make things worse on my heart and body. And I don't know if my liver can physically handle another three month bender. Am I never gonna touch a drink for a whole year? I mean, that's the goal, but I won't deny myself a bottle of wine to unwind and de-stress.
GET AWAY - Like I mentioned in my last post, I am going to be booking myself a birthday getaway in the mountains where I can disconnect and recharge - if I could do it sooner I would, but alas, my birthday seems the best time for me to disappear as I hate celebrating it and I would rather not remember that I will be turning 22.
EMBRACE THE SINGLE LIFE - Having rewatched a bunch of my old videos, I can confidently say that I have not truly been single in 3 years. I have loved someone else for 3 years and have neglected myself. Like I said, I am insecure and I'm hoping in embracing singledom I can find my confidence again.
LOVE MYSELF - I'm being dragged to the gym and I couldn't be more relieved. I need to keep myself busy and if I can get my body back (dating Alan for the last year and a half was not good for my waistline) all the better.
If you have any other suggestions on how to take care of yourself and tips on how to be single please tweet me @aly_bean or leave it in the comments! I will also be updating my YouTube channel more, so keep an eye out for that! (YT: Alycia Benson)
For those of you who are new readers, hi! I often use this blog solely to vent my heartache it seems, but I'm hoping you'll get something out of it.
Maybe.
To pick up where my last post left off, and breaking my promise (sorry, but this is highly therapeutic...), SURPRISE! After months of calling and texting me we got back together....and then broke up again. Will it happen again? I'm not entertaining that thought. Just so we're on the same page,
here is a recap of the last year of my life:
MAY 2015
I met a man who was everything I wanted and more. Literally thought he was perfect for me. He was tall, dark, and handsome with an old world perspective.
Predictably, we dated. Like anyone else, we had our ups and downs.
We did sleep together after initially meeting - something I don't regret.
JUNE
Continued "seeing" each other, though not exclusively.
We did go on dates, I met his sister.
JULY
He (we'll call him *Alan) and his sister got evicted.
Due to a sudden financial downturn, he ended up couch surfing for a bit.
Because of the eviction and some long unsolved issues, Alan and his sister stopped talking to each other.
His friend let him stay in the living room of his one bedroom downtown apartment. Alan has an air mattress so it wasn't too bad (yes, I slept over a few times on the air mattress).
Despite all this, we went on our first camping trip together during which resulted in his truck breaking down at the start of the weekend and us being stuck there all weekend until his friend could come pick us and the boat up at the end of the weekend.
AUGUST
He crashes his motorcycle.
I become his emergency contact.
He is now motorcycle-less and vehicle-less
SEPTEMBER
Priority #1 becomes getting a vehicle as school had started for me and I would be waking up at 4:30 in the morning to drive him from downtown to work then I would go back home to sleep a bit as I didn't have classes until 11 AM normally.
He finds a vehicle, spends more for it than he'd like, but ultimately it was his style of vehicle and he loved, it was in good condition.
OCTOBER
Thanksgiving and his birthday fall at the same time
We celebrated both together, I treated him to a night out, all of his friends were there.
NOVEMBER
He finds a new place to live that is closer to work for him.
He is going out of town a lot for work now.
DECEMBER
My birthday - he's still out of town
Christmas - he gave me a gift set from lush and a tea set; I got him a Fossil watch (he'd said he didn't have any kind of nice watch to wear).
My family invites him to Jasper with us for some skiing over the New Year; he says no.
JANUARY 2016
The Facebook Breakup
FEBRUARY-MARCH
Honestly, a blur. During this time, I was going out every weekend and drinking heavily. I did anything to try and heal myself, and everything I did wasn't the healthiest options for a broken heart.
He also continued to contact me from the end of February until the end of March when I finally returned his calls and text messages.
At the end of March, I went to his place to return a part I'd had for his bike since his accident in August. We slept together and it was the best I'd ever had.
I stayed the night, but the following morning I did try to leave while he was in the bathroom. Emotions took over, and I found myself crying in my car - a favourite place of mine to let out some pent up emotions apparently.
APRIL
We officially were back together, he came out with friends of mine and truly made an effort. We both did.
MAY-AUGUST
We had an amazing summer together.
Again, some bumps, but things didn't really take a turn for the worst until August/September.
He quit his job, something he'd thought about doing for a long time.
At the end of August, he had a wedding in Ontario to go to. His reasons for not asking me to go with him - he couldn't afford my ticket and he knew I couldn't afford one either as work was slow for me. This caused a bit of a rift on my end.
SEPTEMBER
He comes back from the wedding and a week and a half at home. I think he very much needed this vacation (from life and me(?)).
While he was gone, he informs me of some worrying things happening on his downstairs. He assures me he has never physically cheated on me, but nonetheless I get checked out. I'm clean.
When he comes back he goes to the Dr. and for dignity's sake, we'll say that his bumps were more than just razor burn.
I offer to pay for groceries and dinner as I had been staying at his place for awhile and he was jobless - I felt the need and responsibility to contribute where I could.
To fill our time, we went to the animal shelter and had his landlord allowed it, we would have adopted our own little fur baby.
He gets a new job offer at the end of the month.
OCTOBER
Thanksgiving and his birthday. We did a friends-giving at his friends' house on the Saturday and then Thanksgiving at my parents' house the next day. He hadn't seen my parents since Christmas and having my S.O. be a part of my family is a little important to me. Little did I know, this would be the catalyst for our breakup.
I give him his birthday present at friends-giving along with his card once we got home.
On Monday morning, he left for work until Friday.
Friday morning, 11 AM, he comes home. I could tell all week he'd been distant. Something I recognized from before.
Our day and evening go normally. He went to get his hair cut, I worked on assignments. He came home and kept avoiding me from moving to the couch to the bedroom, I'd go join him so we can catch up and talk about the week and this upcoming weekend, he'd move away to the bathroom, then to the couch where I'd join him and he'd move away again.
He goes to make dinner, we watch a movie, everything appears, fine but tense. I see him texting another woman, he barely tries to hide it. He shows me a photo of him five years ago. We finish the movie, he goes to the bedroom, I ask if we could watch Harry Potter, he says we need to talk.
October 14, 2016 - THE END.
Only mildly getting into the sordid details of our second breakup (which basically consisted of much of the same problems he'd had before), here is a condensed-ish list of his reasons why we needed to breakup which he prefaced with a "I hate seeing your stuff in my place, I'm a very independent person and I feel smothered." His reasons go as follows:
He just turned 24, having been in the military for five years, he feels he is physically falling apart. In three years he'd like to buy a house and start a family.
Because of this, he wants kids before he's 30 so that he is able "to play hockey with his kids" and not kill himself doing so. In a nutshell, he wants to be a strong role model for his kids.
He doesn't see us going long term despite my support and many virtuous qualities (paraphrasing).
And finally, the true kick in the teeth, he never loved me.
All of his reasons are valid and justified. When I asked why he didn't think any of what he wanted would be possible with me, he simply said that he didn't know, only that he didn't see us having a future together.
So his perspective now painted for you, here are my thoughts on the white picket fence dream.
Marriage is a sham. A social construct with archaic traditions and beliefs. It is not necessary, not to mention the legalities involved. I would never change my last name for anyone.
If you absolutely must have a ceremony, no circuses.
Onto kids. This is where I get a little iffy. I had never wanted kids before Alan. He made me want to have a baby or two and that thought is terrifying because it wasn't just a fur baby he wanted, but an actual baby/babies. Full disclosure: we did have a pregnancy scare over the summer - it turned out to be nasty cramps, don't worry. During that time, he had assured me he would be there for me if it turned out I really was pregnant. I was of course relieved to not be, but I think he was a little more disappointed mixed with a little relief.
My own feelings about kids aside, I knew after our first few months back together and the magic of being together again wore off, I realized he never loved me. After Canada Day, I knew he began speaking to other women again. Prior to this, two friends of mine had found his Tinder profile. I was going to end things then, but didn't because I was deluded and thought we could still work out. He did later admit to having a Tinder which he used "for shits and gigs" - boy, if you think you're gonna find your baby mama on Tinder, you are more fucked than we both thought.
Because of this, I also learned that we had two different ideas of the meaning of "cheat" (**see definition below).
While someday, I would love to settle down (I thought I was ready for that now, but apparently not). This relationship made me realize that I still have a lot I need to accomplish before I settle. I want to have a career and travel. Not that I can't do any of that WITH someone, the right someone, but with kids, that's obviously more of a challenge.
And boy did I burn.
In my eyes, 24 is not that old. And I never imagined that a two-year age gap would create this much of a rift between us. Alas, he is an old soul, and while I value old-fashioned morals, my plans for the next couple years revolve around travel and a career if I'm lucky. While my actions reflect my age, my values reflect my soul, and I think that's important for me to realize. Of course he had many times where it was a little obvious he wished he could still be in college, especially when he'd go "crush beers with the boys" and we'd listen to songs from 2010.
While he is in his second career, I haven't even started mine. When he's ready to buy a house, I'll probably still be renting. I never wanted to admit it before, but we just are not at the same place in our lives where we can connect with each other on a deeper level.
I know while we were together, I relied heavily on him to take care of me.
When we got back together, I held fast to the woman I wanted to be, the woman I wanted to be and intended to become while we were apart. But that didn't happen, I got comfortable with falling back into a routine and I'd known from the start that if we were going to last, we needed to change. At first, we did, but you can't change who you fundamentally are.
I gave 110% of my heart and soul into this relationship, but ultimately, I believe that after the honeymoon phase is over, you have to make a conscious decision to love the person you're with everyday. I believe you choose to fall in love with someone, but lust is out of our control. You can be in lust for a month or a year, but once that passes, you need to choose to love someone.
And that choice wasn't mine to make. I made my choice, he made his. He chose to not love me. And I have to accept that. He is the great man I know he is, and that might sound like I'm not over him, but I am. I just will never stop loving the man who, for over a year, filled my heart with so many memories and love. Despite all the pain, there was good, and there was a reason why I stayed. I accept him for the man he is, but I think most women's greatest flaw is falling in love with the potential of a man, rather than the man himself.
I did everything I could in this relationship, and I am at peace this time.
We have agreed to try and be friends. I know that losing him completely is not something I can do, as we tried and it didn't work. Even in the beginning, I'd always harboured a hope that if/when we broke up, we'd remain friends. As opposite as we are, we share a lot in common. With him still in my life, as a friend, I believe this will lead a healthier overall relationship with both him and myself.
I know him as a boyfriend, and to be honest, he sucked at it. Maybe it was just because he didn't love me as said. In April to July, everything was perfect. We went out, we laughed, we loved. But relationships take work and he wasn't willing to put in the effort, and I wasn't willing to pick up the slack. He would go through the motions of being a "good" boyfriend, but nothing concrete came of it because his heart wasn't in it.
However, I've seen him as a friend, and I know he would go above and beyond for all of his friends. He's a better man when he's a friend. And I feel like knowing him as a friend is the best option for us. For me. I would rather have him as a friend rather than not at all, and when it comes to us seeing other people, I know it will hurt, I may get jealous, but I will know that I had him before she did, that I loved him more fiercely than she can imagine.
I do believe we got stuck in a rut. I do think there could have been some changes, but again, I did try, and my actions were a result of what I thought was the right thing at the time. We never talked. Not really. Not about real things or things that mattered.
As a person, my nature is to curl in a ball in the corner and not move and I would be satisfied with that. I don't tend to go out unless I have to and because of that, I rely on other people to get me motivated, when I need to rely on myself more. I need to trust that I can make myself okay for me and that I will make my life good for me. I thought he was the person to motivate me to get out of bed in the morning, but I need to provide that motivation for myself.
I am insecure.
I crave the love and affection of others. I love being held at night and I love cuddling together on the couch just being. I love being teased and having my ass slapped (by my S.O. of course).
I know I can't be all of that, but, I can be most of that for me. And taking care of me isn't something I've done for over two years now.
For the remainder of my education, I'm going to put my focus on myself and be selfish. I have spent the last three or four years giving everything I had to guys who didn't deserve it and that's my fault. This year and next, I will take care of myself. My birthday present to myself this year will also be a getaway to the mountains. I need to escape and get out of this town. I need to feel free again. Originally, I had wanted to go away with him, but obviously we won't be doing that. I do need to disconnect and recharge and find myself, love myself, and stay away from pelvic sorcery for the rest of my degree. And probably afterwards too.
I would love nothing more than to settle into a comfortable and loving relationship, but that's not in my cards, clearly. I feel emotionally and mentally drained, having been consumed by a loveless relationship. I didn't even realize that I was the only one holding up the heavy walls of our relationship. I still cry. I cried while recapping our relationship, I woke up at 7 AM feeling numb, I cried before and after breakfast and I haven't moved from this spot on the couch all day.
But I can't live the rest of my life looking back on past memories. I can't drive down the roads and listen to the radio and turn on Netflix and talk to people without instinctively thinking about us. But I can't move on when I'm still consumed by the past. Keeping busy is going to be best thing for me right now. I'm going to spend my time in the gym and with friends and hopefully at work.
I am going to focus on creating new memories. I want to be able to go about my life without crying at the drop of a hat. I will never be able to listen to some songs without thinking about us and the laughter and goofiness we would have. Because that's the thing about songs. They create and hold within them memories. Memories which will be a part of my life forever. But in the grand scheme of things, and in my story, this chapter of my life is over.
I have learned, this time, that I am capable of a great love. As much as I would love to jump ten years into the future, just to see and know that my life really does turn out to be okay, I know that keeping hope and optimism in everything I do is vital. The best I can do for me right now is turn all the love that I gave him over this crazy journey, and give it all back to myself. Because right now, no one deserves it more than I do.
I do.
Love and light,
A. Bean. Tweet to @aly_bean
* Name has been changed, not that it matters because if you watch the video, I said it there - oops
**To cheat (according to A. Bean): to emotionally or physically be unfaithful to one's partner. (i.e. (a) flirting with others via social media and/or text message; this flirtation alludes to a potential "date" or meet up. (b) the exchanging of nudes by either party. (c) the traditional meaning of the word "cheat".)
PS- Thank you to R.H. Sin for providing me with words that encompass my feelings better than I ever could.
PPS- This is a vlog/video I filmed when I first began seeing him. I knew this was something I had to share the minute I saw how happy I was to have met him and be with him. This video represents my naive hopes and dreams of our future as well as an innocence I will never regain.
So, I realize it's a bit ironic for me to do a rant-type post after just going on about self-improvement, but, like I said in my last post, old habits tend to die hard, and I am a very stubborn individual. Also old, so you know, old dogs and new tricks don't go together. But, I have justified this post in convincing myself it is for the greater good. Also, it just really, desperately needs to be addressed. I was going to do a video on this topic simply because my mouth moves faster than my fingers, as do my thoughts, but my background is kind of shady, and the whole video would be an hour long rant. This has the semblance of more structure, I think.
For those who don't know, I am biracial. My mom is Vietnamese, and my dad is Canadian (read: a whole mishmash of cultures where there is some percentage of Scandinavian and some percentage of Aboriginal and some percentage of Ukrainian. I think.) I only offer this information because it is pertinent to the discussion and gives me some amount of authority on the topic. Otherwise, my race shouldn't - and doesn't - really matter.
Since reaching adulthood and branching off into a world outside of my parents' circle of influence, I have been confronted more now than ever about my race. From questions like "What are you?" and "Where are you from?" they get more and more intrusive depending on the person asking them.
These are all usually asked before my name is even known or is usually the next question after "What's your name?" To go up to a person who looks, and I'm purposely being generic here, white, and ask them where they are from is laughable and ridiculous. Well, the same thing when I'm asked where I'm from. I am from Canada, I was born here. I have never permanently moved anywhere else - I had a two year stint in Ontario, if you recall from my earlier posts. I am a human being, that is what I am. More specifically, then, if that doesn't satisfy the question, I am a biologically female human being. Not a martian, surprise! I am exactly what you are, so when I am asked, "What are you" you can only imagine my shock, amusement, and annoyance. The other person's reaction is even more laughable when I answer that I am human and that I am Canadian.
People say"what are you" or "where are you from" as a means to be more politically correct, but what they don't realize is that to even ask the question damns them. I won't fault their curiosity, but at the same time, why does it matter what my race is? I am fully aware that I maybe don't look like a "typical" white girl (again I am being very general and loose with that term). I am also very self conscious of that fact and when it is pointed out to me, I feel even more awkward. Which I shouldn't. I am very proud of who I am and where my parents are from and I love my culture. Both of them.
Being mixed race is hard enough as it is - you feel like you don't belong anywhere - without having people interrogate you about it.
That lengthy backstory brings me to what I really wanted to discuss which is the use of the word "exotic" when referring to someone "not from here". For the purpose of this post, we will use "not from here" to refer to people who are not physically different (either in skin tone, hair texture, eye shape, etc.).
The other night while I was at work, near the end of my shift, a single middle aged gentleman(ish) walked in - he's clearly "from here" - and as I approached him, he asked about my hair texture (naturally curly) to which he seemed to enjoy - apparently he has a "thing" for curly haired gals (ew...) - and then asked about my race - again using the standard "where are you from" line - to which I replied as nicely as possible - because despite hating my job I still need my job - that my mother is from Vietnam and my dad is from here with some sort of Scandinavian background - hence my accursed curls. He widened his eyes in delight, ooohed and ahhhed over my race and proclaimed me "exotic".
PS - Dude, if you're reading this by some gross chance and sick twist of fate, I might work in a restaurant, but I still have a small miniscule shred of dignity left that I guard like a starving, rabid dog over a masticated bone. In other words, I don't want/need a sugar daddy. Yet. And when/if I do need one, I certainly won't be asking you to step up.
Upon being called exotic, I nearly threw up in my mouth. But, because I am great at my job, forced a tight lipped smile and proceeded to avoid eye contact and approaching his vicinity for the duration of my shift. I am not "exotic". I am not some imported rarity. I am a person, not a thing, and I think that is my biggest issue when I am faced with this question of race. I feel like a thing. An exotic thing that is there only to be admired and ooohed and ahhed over.
The problem with this is that I am reduced to being a thoughtless inanimate object. Which sort of sets back decades of feminist movements and advances. Hey, Emma Watson, speak up for the "exotic" people, too, okay?
When someone is reduced to being just "exotic" my ideas, dreams, pursuits, goals, and thoughts are irrelevant. Because I am exotic. I am like a Siberian Tiger placed in a zoo. Just there to be looked at and cared for and never free. I deserve to be more than caged. I deserve to be more than "exotic". Or a car. Cars are also described as exotic. I am, sadly, not a transformer.
This is a problem not just with strangers, but also in my sad pursuit of love. Boys only want me because I am exotic, men only want to creep on me, and I am left stranded in the middle, wanting neither. I deserve respect.
Not really, but you get the idea....
And that is something I thought was my right as a human being. But I guess in the eyes of mainstream "from here" society, all I will ever be is "exotic".
Love and Light,
A. Bean
PS - Leave your thoughts, comments, and experiences below! Am I alone in feeling this way? Have you ever been called exotic or has your race ever been questioned?
If you couldn't guess by the title of this post, it won't be as lighthearted and cheerful as my other ones. Following the New Year, my boyfriend and I parted ways. Having read my last "Life Update" post, I feel foolish now, but I won't delete it. Those memories will be memories that I will hold dear to my heart for a long time despite parting on less than amicable ways with my ex. I won't go into details, just know that it didn't end as well as I thought it would if we ever were to breakup. Also I always thought we would breakup face-to-face, but thankfully, Facebook is available to the cowards of the world (#stillnotbitteroranything).
Preach, girl, preach!
Life, however, does have a funny way of introducing other things to occupy your mind. The passing of David Bowie and Alan Rickman in addition to some school drama all served one purpose: distraction. Not to say that I didn't grieve the loss of my supposedly perfectly imperfect relationship. I definitely did. For four days I wailed - not even cried, wailed - my heart out, my parents can attest to this, I'm pretty sure I scared them a little. And in the days following my initial grief, I'm still overcome by sadness, but I'm moving along.
Well, Carrie, it gets sucked up into a black hole called grief, and then
if you're lucky, it fades from an all consuming fire into a
small little ember. In other words, it never goes away completely.
I've gotten really into the whole "self-improvement" kick. It's a slow process, but at least I'm not as depressed. This week I've really made an effort to wear makeup again. I didn't wear a speck of it for a week, and I caught my reflection in the mirror while on a pity shopping spree with my friend at
Sephora. I'm glad I caught that reflection of myself - though I wasn't at the time. With my messy bun, bare face, and decidedly perma-sad expression, it really kicked me back into gear. I cry less and less everyday, and I've reconnected with my friends, whom I shamefully neglected during my relationship.
It really taught me that no matter how perfect something or someone may seem, no amount of love or attention you give them will ever be enough if they don't love themselves. Or if they loved themselves too much.
Amen, Elle.
So to that conclusion, then, I've decided to take a step back, reevaluate, finish school, and focus on bettering myself. Admittedly, I did jump into my last relationship fast, and didn't really make myself or him wait or work for anything. Mainly because I was on an "I'm an empowered, modern 21st century woman, dammit, I can sleep with whoever" power trip. Which ended up being my biggest failure in the relationship and doesn't really set the right tone for the rest of our time together. Give me a tall, dark haired, tattooed, broad shouldered guy, and I'm pretty much weak at the knees and reduced to a giggling school girl.
So, maybe 2016 didn't really start out the way I wanted it to, and maybe I no longer have a date to go see Deadpool, or Batman vs. Superman, or Aquaman, or anyone, really, to occupy my time with and spend the cold winter nights with, but I have me, and for the last 21 years, that has always been enough.
I am enough.
Love and Light,
A. Bean
PS - You're all enough.
PPS - Shoutout to my friends and family who dealt with my broken hearted sad self for the past two weeks and counting. You're the real MVP.
Recently, as in just yesterday, I got a package from Nasty Gal! I ordered this adorable watermlon shaped clutch that I fell in love with at first sight! I couldn't get it out of my head, and so one thing led to another and yeah...
I digress, this is not confessions of a shopaholic.
Today's post is dedicated to a review of my experience with Nasty Gal since I've never ordered from there before, go over shipping, delivery, etc. After all the technicalities are through, I'll jump right into how I styled the adorable clutch! This is just one way this item can be styled and I will definitely include other outfits and inspirations for you guys to check out!
"Nasty Gals Do It Better"
I don't know what they do, but I guess it's better.
As a general rule, I rarely order/purchase anything over 20$ simply because I know once I go over the 20$ mark, I be doing that 80s shopping cart move and tossing things in that I either don't need or think look good on the model and not necessarily me.... Hello, my name is A. Bean and I am a victim of buyer's remorse.
All that to say, when I did close my eyes and hit the "Submit" button to order the clutch I was filled with both anticipation and horror.
"Did I really just spend 40$ on a watermelon purse?"
"When am I going to use it?"
"Where?"
"How?"
"What?"
Shortly after my tirade of insecurity over my decision, I was then consumed by an overwhelming sense of excitement.
"When is my purse going to arrive?"
"Has it shipped yet?"
"I can't wait to show it off!"
"I'll wear it with so many things!"
In fact, I was so excited, I couldn't stop talking about it for two days. Straight. All day e'er day. My friend probably wanted me to get my clutch just as soon as I did just to stop me from raving over the "Adorable Clutch".
Nasty Gal is a reliable site as far as purchasing things go. I've seen a few YouTubers talk about Nasty Gal, and I'm not sure if it's an actual store in the States or if it's purely online, but I can tell you guys that within a day or two of my purchasing the Adorable Clutch, I received shipping info and immediately received confirmation of my purchase which does wonders on the deeply ingrained fear that I just spent 40$+shipping only to never receive word of the fate of my Adorable Clutch. Or whatever it was that I happened to convince myself I needed.
Like with most tracking numbers, it takes around 24 hrs for it to work and after that it's only a matter of obsessively checking the location of your package. Too bad boyfriends couldn't come with tracking numbers, hey?
I kid, I kid! But for reals. I'm sure I'm not the only one to say it.
All in all, shipping took about a week and half which is pretty fast considering it shipped from the States. I'm very happy with the overall shipping and timeliness of my order. Contrary wise, I placed an order through HauteLook because they were having a sales event featuring The Balm cosmetics. For those of you not in Canada, the Balm doesn't actually ship to Canada. In addition, the HauteLook sale had their cosmetics at as much as 50% off! Can we say steal?
However, my initial excitement wore off when I started reading some reviews on HauteLook and their shipping and customer service. I haven't received a confirmation of shipment of any kind, although I did receive a confirmation of order, and it's been about a week. Also, some of the reviews I read stated that HauteLook doesn't stay true to the estimated time of arrival they give you on the confirmation email, saying that it can go up to 2 months before they received their order. With reason, I'm worried, but I'm supposed to receive my order on the 27th of March. I will definitely give you guys an update on that situation and with any luck, a full review on all the makeup things I ordered from The Balm through HauteLook!
Now onto the fun part...
My OOTD was actually something I was wearing earlier that day.
Disclaimer: Dad, no one was present during the taking of these photos, all photos of me are taken by me due to a crippling awkward and giggling syndrome which grips me inexplicably if I try to take a serious photograph with anyone present. All photography is credited to the Timer Cam iPhone app.
The leggings are from Winners. They are kind of high waisted but tend to slip down from their high waisted-ness to an awkward mid rise but not quite. However they are super thick and have seams down the center so I feel okay wearing these as pants.
My top is also from Winners. I got it on sale over the summer for, wait for it, 3$! That's right. My cute little cream coloured lace peplum top was three dollars. With tax. It did come with a slip tank top thing to go underneath but I lost it or something, so in place of that, I just wore my own cream coloured cami from Old Navy. It's super comfy and if I could wear that cami everyday I would. It is quite long, so I ended up just tucking it into the leggings and smoothing any gatherings so the leggings didn't bulge awkwardly.
And of course, the highlight of the look, my Adorable Clutch. Like I said, it's from Nasty Gal, the link to this particular bag will be included if you're interested in purchasing this super cute accessory too! #TwinningWithBean? Nasty Gal is pretty pricey but this clutch was pretty cheap compared to most of their other merchandise! Side note, Nasty Gal posted a photo of the clutch on Twitter (the one pictured at the beginning of this post) and it has a strap. Just want to let you guys know, it doesn't come with a strap or places where you can clip on a strap, just as a heads up. It's a clutch, not a dual purpose crossbody bag.
My hair I styled down although I would have loved nothing more than to throw it up in a top knot and call it a day because it really wasn't cooperating that day. Or any day following that day.
For eye makeup, I did a neutral smokey eye with my Urban Decay Naked Basics palette and some highlighting shadows from the Too Faced Chocolate Bar palette.
As a base, I used the Maybelline 24hr Color Tattoo in Barely Branded. That went all over my eyelid, all the way up to the brow bone to create a nice shimmery base for the shadows.
Next, I took Naked 2 on a fluffy crease brush, from the UD Naked Basics palette and blended that into the crease and lightly on the outer V of the eye.
After it was blended out softly, I used the pinky pearly shade from the Chocolate Bar palette on the center of the lid as well as on the brow bone for a brightening effect.
Then I took the Rimmel Scandeleyes Shadow stick in Witness White and dotted that on the inner corner.
I used a brown liner to line my upper lash line for a softer look and a nude pencil on my waterline to once again brighten the eyes.
I used the L'Oreal Voluminous Million Lashes Excess mascara to finish up my eyes.
On my nails: Nicole by OPI in My Lifesaver (I think this was actually part of the
Justin Bieber collection...Disclaimer #2: this blog is not associated or in support
of the spoiled delinquent starlet.) On my accent nail is a metallic gold colour by
China Glaze. The colour has no name....
This clutch is such a fun spring/summer accessory and guaranteed to wring compliments and attention! You could style it similar to how I did, which was last minute and unplanned but I think I actually like the pop of colour and fun the purse adds to the look. Or, you could pair it with a pair of light wash jeans, a loose fitting graphic tee haphazardly tucked into the jeans, boho wedges, and a straw fedora with a pair of wayfarers, and you've got an adorable, casual spring look. If you wanted to dress it up for a fun night out, wear a light floral sundress, black or nude pumps, a light faux leather jacket if it's chilly on summer nights wherever you are (like it can get here!), a coral lip, winged eyes, and boom! Stunner.
I hope you have had a great week so far and here's hoping the rest of the week will be even better!
So in case the title or the gif didn't tell you what today's issue of the Chronicler will be about, let me tell you. I have trust issues. Some pretty major ones which stem from a myriad of experiences, and some that are so deeply ingrained my psyche, I don't even want to begin to throw a stone in that bottomless well. Below is a series of things that I believe are the cause of my trust issues, and unfortunately, I have yet to find a solution to these issues.
1. Raisin in cookies
They look like chocolate chips but they're not. Like why? Why you do this to me?
2. MUFFIN BROCCOLI
I don't know if you guys have seen it, but there is a photo of a broccoli baked into a muffin/cupcake thing. WHAT. Why? Why do you promote my trust issues?
3. Wifi
Ever have that moment where you're like, "Yes! Free wifi!" And then you connect and it doesn't frigging work?! Trust issues! I want the free wifi to work! Whyyyyyyy?
4. Pokeballs
So, little known fact, but perhaps it's pretty obvious once you get to know me, I don't know, but I'm kind of a nerd. Now, I'm not hardcore. I don't count down the days until the latest Pokemon game (although I did do that for Mario and Zelda...) and I certainly haven't played every single version of it for every single console available. But. I do play Pokemon for my GameCube, and when I go to catch a motherballin' Pokemon, I expect it to stay in it's frigging ball! It's the most nerve wracking thing watching that ball wiggle. When it works, you breathe a sigh of relief, and when it shakes and you think it's going to stay and then all of a sudden in a burst of white light it shoots out of the Pokeball like it's nobody's business. That is why I have trust issues. You get so excited and then boom. Let down.
5. Makeup
Obviously, I love makeup just as much as the next beauty girl, but honestly, have you guys seen before and after photos for face routines alone? A little brown powder on the hollows of your cheeks, your temples, jawline, and sides of your nose and it's like you've lost ten pounds off your face alone! Add some highlighter to it, and you might as well look like a totally different person. Makeup. It's crazy and that's why I love it. But it does give a body some major trust issues.
6. Overly Friendly/Nice People
Does this not cause anyone else to be suspicious? I feel like when people are just a touch too bright or a tad too smiley, bitch, you know something is wrong. They're just a tad too all over you, or just a smidgen too exuberant. Whether I encounter these people in commission stores, restaurants, or just in daily, I always feel a tad weary when I talk to them.
7. Supernatural
Is it just me or is it that every new character introduced to the show has died? **SPOILER** Even Castiel has! I mean, come on! Stop killing all the chicks in that show, and stop killing everyone other than Sam, Dean, Bobby (who has died at one point as well), and Castiel. I can't get emotionally attached to characters I feel have true potential for the show only to have them die. Same could be said for Game of Thrones, so I'm told.
8. Prince Hans
He was so nice! And he sang! With Ana! And he's a bad guy? What!
Though, kudos to Disney for sneaking in a life lesson in there. Never trust the guy who seems completely perfect for you. Chances are he just wants your kingdom. That bastard.
9. Plot Twists
Every. Time. They always get me and I'm left standing/sitting there like an idiot! Who thinks of these things?!
10. Victoria's Secret
I want to know the secret, I want to know who this Victoria chick is, and I want to know how it's possible to fake not one but TWO cup sizes! Guys, I am so sorry. That must drive you crazy. The only way I could understand it is kind of like opening a bag of chips and seeing half of it is air, not chip.
11. Wake Up Calls (Shouts)
When I was living at home, my dad would burst into my room a half hour or fifteen minutes before I actually had to wake up. Not fun. That half hour is prime sleep time.
12. People
And that one goes without saying.
Look at that, two posts in one day! I hope you guys liked it! Don't forget to check out my last post! Let me know in the comments below what causes you to have some trust issues, I'd love to know! Because, you know, I'm kind of nosey like that.
